Friday, March 30, 2012

four months

死小孩

don't think i'll feel comfortable leaving this message publicly on your wall, we weren't that close. urgh, all we did was to banter and tease every time we met, and that was like once a year if we were lucky. (and i hate that i've to use past tense in every single sentence.)

are you in heaven...?
i lack of the word for a better place based on my agnostic theist belief. and the point is, i truly want to believe that your sudden death (this young) has a better explanation than this is just a bad hand of cards fate has dealt to you. so, let's just settle for heaven, shall we? while you are in heaven busy worrying about all the people who loved and mourned your death, did you know it was pouring in Taipei... i couldn't stop crying for hours after i received a call from yen. i cried till my throat went dry and there was this bad taste in my mouth. this isn't the end, is it? here i'm in a foreign city on this planet in this dimension, wishing so badly you've found peace somewhere somehow.

...always thought you're the golden boy in our class. but of course, i couldn't stand the smirk you would wear or so i imagine if i (still have the chance to) tell you that. you ARE. (just wanna say this out out in present tense.. i'm just being silly i guess) and always would be. sunny, cute (act cute), smart (AND smart arse :P) say the darnest things but you are really sweet at times. you are the kid of our class since you're the youngest and you would remain so.. regretfully so.

you're always in my prayers although i lack of a.. well-defined religion. zx, i miss you. that silly boyish signature grin of yours. cchsm school life would be dull w/o you in my class. maybe we would get to relive our lives in heaven. (of course only the awesome bits that we chose to commemorate) maybe we would be donned in that all-white uniforms laughing, fooling around, studying and being that young once more. maybe you would get this message.

maybe.

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