Tuesday, March 22, 2011

surviving life

something is dying inside me.
or is it.. something inside me has died.

philosophy classes aren't helping. but the never ending Questions and the lifetime quest for answers (which existence we doubt, at least i doubt, as a sceptic) are good distractions from my life itself. some of us lead lives full of vulgar mundanes; some lives are naively built on foolish desires and beliefs; while the rest of the population simply struggles to survive... life.

that, too, sums up my life for now nicely: mundaneness, hopelessly hopeful for the wrong.. things, and struggling to feed myself.

I'm not new to the role of a starving student.
I'm trying to make ends meet, while running against Time, or am I fighting for more time? dear Time, please bloody upgrade my day to a 72hours version. I need time to work. I need time for studies. I need more time to find more sources of income. I need more time to be a decent daughter and a caring sister. I need time to move on.. I need time to push me into a future where you will never appear again.

go on.
just go on, soon you'll be looking back and laughing how pathetic those church mouse days were, and how great it is once you managed to survive some hard knocks.

even these words of encouragement sound weak and hollow to myself.
weak and hollow. stuff that my soul is made of. weak and hollow.

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