Saturday, January 29, 2011

the book that burns me

they teased him about 'Dina'. they laughed at the latest gossips. they talked about their university lives and any other random topics that came up. i was not really there with them, barely contributing to the conversation. at best, i was only pulling an half-ass effort. a smile, plastered onto my face, was working its charm as an amulet. i hope it would ward off any unwanted attention or question. but i should be glad for their company. in fact, i should be grateful for any forms of distraction now.

after dinner, we went for first round of drinks. soon, we crossed the streets to our next destination. more drinks followed. soon, when it was time to call it a night, i panicked. i couldn't go back so early. it would be many hours before i could drift off to sleep. so i suggested supper even when my stomach had almost reached its full capacity. they gamely (or was it gravely?)agreed and made their way towards the east side.

the food was tasteless.


the problem lies with me. i'm just buying time, hoping for less alone time. i need to escape from myself. where is my mind. where is it? i need to do exactly what you said- mind over heart. the book that lies on my bed now, belongs to her. it is already five forty in the morning, i still can't get over it. should i give into the urge to run to the bus stop, hop onto the first bus and go to your place to drop off this hot potato. i badly want to return the book. it's burning me.

i didn't run to anywhere. it's six fifty seven now, i remain in my bed.
i'm afraid to invade your personal space so suddenly, afraid that you feel suffocated that i'm being cranky and clingy. i'm clingy, clinging onto to some hope.

the truth is, i'm afraid to see someone else in that L-shaped space in your bed.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

最後..

..讓我感動的是,她的眼淚。
媽媽真的捨不得我。看起來媽媽比我還要難過。
在心疼我的同時,她在擔心自己的兒子是否會再犯錯。
這一點,我不能為他打包票。
不過,我希望他不會後悔他的決定。



得到了難能可貴非親非故的親情,我失去的卻是..

Monday, January 17, 2011

最後一個月

在日本,20歲者必須行成年禮。而在我國,當我滿21歲時,就是法定的成年人。但,這一年來,我待人處事是否有別於過往、是否更加成熟穩重了、是否有長進?還有一個月。但我.. 還有時間力往狂瀾嗎?是否已經錯過了黃金期。

我離開前,你為自己定了一個期限。這次,我也為自己定一個死期,死心之期。到時我再蓋棺而論吧。

Sunday, January 9, 2011

劇終

不想。
不相信。
不該相信。
不能再次掉入深淵。

Saturday, January 8, 2011

18年

假如你爱一个人,
但你也介意这爱情可有收获时,
你只是为爱情而经营爱情而已。

假如你能够爱一个人,
而不介意对方会不会给你同等的爱时,
那你已经迈进了一大步。

甚至你明知道,
自己所付出的爱是不可能有回报,
但你仍然无条件爱他时,那已经无话可说,
那是真正的爱了。

吴韦材 (2003-04-07)