Wednesday, June 24, 2009

a girl by any other name would be as sweet

notes: 1) i'm really honoured to suggest names for S's niece.
2) i've been producing names by dozens yet..

months ago
'my sister likes some of the names, as in how they looked on black and white, but she doesn't like how it sounds.'

weeks ago
'thanks darling she went through the list, she likes a few but she would like to know if there's any other better ones.'

sometimes ago
'she actually likes the word 恩 and the word 熙 but.. (did i mention i HATE B-U-T) she doesn't fancy them together in a name.'

minutes ago
'she prefers names that are SWEET, please come up with something SWEETER and cool?' [gawd.. personally i HATE sweeeeet names too, i simply wouldn't want to suggest any girlish common names with all the 婷s,秀s, (no offenses) or their other deviations.]

the thing about names is, i correct myself, the thing about GOOD names is, there is so so so many perceptions and image projections towards them. there's hardly a name that will please all.

IMHO, a good name possesses a meaning, no matter how shallow it beats being meaningless. the name should be memorable, by that i mean unique, not too common and overused like 陈欣怡 in 《命中注定我爱你》

it would be easy on memory and as easy on the tongue, you don't want others to have problem rolling out the name. also, as nice as it sounds, it should look good on the paper, for Chinese characters, it's all about proportion. e.g. 馨一 vs. 芯伊 of course the latter looks better, with the usage of space balanced out.

last of all, a good name goes well with the surname, especially Chinese names. after all, who would blame you for scoffing at a name like 庄有财 (zhuang you cai sounds like pretend to be rich.) there's something else, which i don't care, not when i don't even know how it exactly works - 笔画,the number of strokes in a name will 'affect' the destiny. *shrugs*

trust me as easy as it appears to be, naming is TROUBLESOME. (which reminds me of my Retail Branding project, when we had struggled to come to a decision about changing our subject's name, a local lingerie retailer. we didn't change it despite we all knew we should due to weak ears and the soft-heartedness developed for the 'insider' brand story. well, we were being marked down for our sentimental decision.)

back to topic
so being the responsible me, *chuckles* went crazy with the names again. i named, i modeled the names into girls of distinctive personalities till i could almost see their faces and figures oh-so-clearly. it was like building characters for my novel, except that this story is about a harem of females without a man.

list after list of names, this round i sent an email of my 'characters':

hey sunshine.

this naming process is so so so tedious, not on your sis, but me!! the last round i must have included 10? or at least 8 names, which are all mercilessly rejected and well, i've thrown 'em out of my mind too. NOW.. all these are today's brainstorming results. and lol. i'm crazy, the following shows how the names indicated/shed a hint or two on the personality of those girls (my imagination+perception). of course, i love #2, such a MAN name. lol. XD

seriously, #6 #1.. or #4 laaa.. and #4 can be reversed to qiao en.

#1: she's gentle, kind and musical.
her name's
高恩沁 en qin(4), filled with gratitude.

#2: jovial, witty and sporty.
personal favourite
高烁恩 shuo(4) en, brilliance/gratitude.

#3: beauty, sophisticated and smart.
thy name
高倩怡 qian(4) yi, alluring/happiness.

#4: playful, feisty yet romantic. none other
高恩乔 en qiao(2), gratitude/beauty.

#5: ambitious and womanly.
高可欣 ke xin(2), agreeable/happiness.

#6: femme fatale.
高宇乔 yu(2) qiao, vastness/beauty.

#7: sweet and innocent. a random sweet
高雯歆 wen(2) xin(1) talent/envy

cool and not awfully sweet but still will do.
高悯绮 min(3) qi(3) empathy/radiance.

love, and best of luck to me your sis

and i hope 1 of them would be printed on S's niece birth-cert.

the angst teen in me, came late

in a corner of the crowded mos burger joint, em nudged jermaine to get me some tissue, while nodding sympathetically to my sob story (literally and physically). only to have jermaine and rod fascinated for the wrong reason —— why there wasn't any black streaks of tears caused by ruined mascara. grrr.. hello, it wasn't my intention to end up in puddles of my own tears, hey, who the hell would have 'crying' on their agenda list. yet i did it, twice, first was in han's car on the way to her 20th MacDonald's pajamas party, and now, the encore. it was simply the stress which stemmed from home, overran.

my parents didn't give the understanding and support i craved. (see: past tense, i'm taught to know better) the culture of asking about each other day is not cultivated in my family. i can live with that, although sometimes, i secretly wish that brother of mine could do more than just barking/grunting when i care about him. instead, i either scream at him for that lack of manners or i give a fine-i-couldn't-care-less look. sometimes, the disguise slipped, i kept my peace and walked off sadly. communications is at its worst when i talk to my family.

what started out as giving a short account of the incident (cell phone stolen at work), fueled by my dad's bad temper, accelerated into a shouting match. at least my dad matched back with every statement i made, whereas when i reasoned with my mom, the best line she managed every time to end things —— 'you know i can't out-talk you, you're pro at talking back.' all the eloquence escapes me when i seek for comfort at home.

el⋅o⋅quence /ˈɛl ə kwəns/, -noun
the art of turning every word pleasing and gentle on ears, rather than speaking as it is, matter-of-factly as i do, be it in my debate competition or household arguments.

the only difference is it hurts. big time.

whenever my mom dishes out her best line, (just because simply she knows that she's not in the right) it feels like a slap across the face, stinging and ringing soundly in the ears blocking out any other noise. she has no clue the power of her words as of a mother would make such a violent impact on her strong yet actually sensitive child. while dad's words are more like paper cuts, would make me bled, but more often than not, it's a senseless careless mistake. when his impatience and temper caught hold of him, he blabbers without thinking. his angry rants/bitter comments are even too flimsy for me to be bothered with defending myself.

"......WHAT KIND OF WORK IS THIS? HOW COULD YOU EVEN MANAGED TO GET YOUR PHONE STOLEN??! (you made it sound like i wished for it) I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY ARE YOU WORKING! WHY YOU'RE WORKING. I HATE THAT LOOK OF YOURS, LOOK SO TIRED (how could i not be when after a whole day of incident have to deal with your ranting?)........."

all the strength left in me, was injected into, "I ALSO WISH I COULD NOT WORK AND LAZE AROUND LIKE SOME FILTH RICH MISSUS." and that gained me silence, he walked away, defeated?

i don't wish that i'm trust fund baby. i never grumble about having to work and support myself, and i think it's only right that i save up now to put myself though university education.

so please

..thinking i'm earning to splurge, to pay.

you jolly well know how much i earn per month, when i hand over the paycheck to be banked in. and i try to give 1/3 of it to household, but sometimes i could only manage 1/4 or not at all, like this month when i've to replace my stolen phone. the rest of it, i spend it without GUILT. i've tried my best to manage my own finance. tried my best to do my sum and await patiently till i can afford my school fees plus living expenses.

there are friends who care about me, who felt indignant for me, who thought that you should be thankful for a sensible and labourious child. no. in your eyes, i fall short. i'm not that independent and responsible girl that others know. i don't do housechores enough, i'm untidy, careless and absent-minded. i don't deny my flaws. just that...

sometimes, maybe just one day, you'll look beyond the flaws, and feel proud of me too. maybe, you'll know i'm not that happy-go-lucky, not the ultimate optimist girl, even if i build up a brave front pasted with a smile.. just listen AND support me for once? if i don't have your understanding, at least don't twist my meanings and comprehend it on your own terms.

not only your son will get depressed.

i do too, at times. and you don't see.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

daddy's (selfish) girl

“现在的年轻人都很自私。” 老豆似乎是在 ^借题发挥。

>_< *无奈的叹气