Wednesday, June 24, 2009

a girl by any other name would be as sweet

notes: 1) i'm really honoured to suggest names for S's niece.
2) i've been producing names by dozens yet..


months ago
'my sister likes some of the names, as in how they looked on black and white, but she doesn't like how it sounds.'

weeks ago
'thanks darling she went through the list, she likes a few but she would like to know if there's any other better ones.'

sometimes ago
'she actually likes the word 恩 and the word 熙 but.. (did i mention i HATE B-U-T) she doesn't fancy them together in a name.'

minutes ago
'she prefers names that are SWEET, please come up with something SWEETER and cool?' [gawd.. personally i HATE sweeeeet names too, i simply wouldn't want to suggest any girlish common names with all the 婷s,秀s, (no offenses) or their other deviations.]


the thing about names is, i correct myself, the thing about GOOD names is, there is so so so many perceptions and image projections towards them. there's hardly a name that will please all.

IMHO, a good name possesses a meaning, no matter how shallow it beats being meaningless. the name should be memorable, by that i mean unique, not too common and overused like 陈欣怡 in 《命中注定我爱你》

it would be easy on memory and as easy on the tongue, you don't want others to have problem rolling out the name. also, as nice as it sounds, it should look good on the paper, for Chinese characters, it's all about proportion. e.g. 馨一 vs. 芯伊 of course the latter looks better, with the usage of space balanced out.

last of all, a good name goes well with the surname, especially Chinese names. after all, who would blame you for scoffing at a name like 庄有财 (zhuang you cai sounds like pretend to be rich.) there's something else, which i don't care, not when i don't even know how it exactly works - 笔画,the number of strokes in a name will 'affect' the destiny. *shrugs*

trust me as easy as it appears to be, naming is TROUBLESOME. (which reminds me of my Retail Branding project, when we had struggled to come to a decision about changing our subject's name, a local lingerie retailer. we didn't change it despite we all knew we should due to weak ears and the soft-heartedness developed for the 'insider' brand story. well, we were being marked down for our sentimental decision.)


back to topic
so being the responsible me, *chuckles* went crazy with the names again. i named, i modeled the names into girls of distinctive personalities till i could almost see their faces and figures oh-so-clearly. it was like building characters for my novel, except that this story is about a harem of females without a man.

list after list of names, this round i sent an email of my 'characters':


hey sunshine.

this naming process is so so so tedious, not on your sis, but me!! the last round i must have included 10? or at least 8 names, which are all mercilessly rejected and well, i've thrown 'em out of my mind too. NOW.. all these are today's brainstorming results. and lol. i'm crazy, the following shows how the names indicated/shed a hint or two on the personality of those girls (my imagination+perception). of course, i love #2, such a MAN name. lol. XD

seriously, #6 #1.. or #4 laaa.. and #4 can be reversed to qiao en.


CANDIDATES:
#1: she's gentle, kind and musical.
her name's
高恩沁 en qin(4), filled with gratitude.

#2: jovial, witty and sporty.
personal favourite
高烁恩 shuo(4) en, brilliance/gratitude.

#3: beauty, sophisticated and smart.
thy name
高倩怡 qian(4) yi, alluring/happiness.

#4: playful, feisty yet romantic. none other
than
高恩乔 en qiao(2), gratitude/beauty.

#5: ambitious and womanly.
dramatic
高可欣 ke xin(2), agreeable/happiness.

#6: femme fatale.
大乔小乔,三国
倾国倾城。
高宇乔 yu(2) qiao, vastness/beauty.

#7: sweet and innocent. a random sweet
name
高雯歆 wen(2) xin(1) talent/envy

#8:
cool and not awfully sweet but still will do.
高悯绮 min(3) qi(3) empathy/radiance.


love, and best of luck to me your sis
loony




and i hope 1 of them would be printed on S's niece birth-cert.

the angst teen in me, came late

in a corner of the crowded mos burger joint, em nudged jermaine to get me some tissue, while nodding sympathetically to my sob story (literally and physically). only to have jermaine and rod fascinated for the wrong reason —— why there wasn't any black streaks of tears caused by ruined mascara. grrr.. hello, it wasn't my intention to end up in puddles of my own tears, hey, who the hell would have 'crying' on their agenda list. yet i did it, twice, first was in han's car on the way to her 20th MacDonald's pajamas party, and now, the encore. it was simply the stress which stemmed from home, overran.

my parents didn't give the understanding and support i craved. (see: past tense, i'm taught to know better) the culture of asking about each other day is not cultivated in my family. i can live with that, although sometimes, i secretly wish that brother of mine could do more than just barking/grunting when i care about him. instead, i either scream at him for that lack of manners or i give a fine-i-couldn't-care-less look. sometimes, the disguise slipped, i kept my peace and walked off sadly. communications is at its worst when i talk to my family.

what started out as giving a short account of the incident (cell phone stolen at work), fueled by my dad's bad temper, accelerated into a shouting match. at least my dad matched back with every statement i made, whereas when i reasoned with my mom, the best line she managed every time to end things —— 'you know i can't out-talk you, you're pro at talking back.' all the eloquence escapes me when i seek for comfort at home.


el⋅o⋅quence /ˈɛl ə kwəns/, -noun
the art of turning every word pleasing and gentle on ears, rather than speaking as it is, matter-of-factly as i do, be it in my debate competition or household arguments.


the only difference is it hurts. big time.

whenever my mom dishes out her best line, (just because simply she knows that she's not in the right) it feels like a slap across the face, stinging and ringing soundly in the ears blocking out any other noise. she has no clue the power of her words as of a mother would make such a violent impact on her strong yet actually sensitive child. while dad's words are more like paper cuts, would make me bled, but more often than not, it's a senseless careless mistake. when his impatience and temper caught hold of him, he blabbers without thinking. his angry rants/bitter comments are even too flimsy for me to be bothered with defending myself.

"......WHAT KIND OF WORK IS THIS? HOW COULD YOU EVEN MANAGED TO GET YOUR PHONE STOLEN??! (you made it sound like i wished for it) I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY ARE YOU WORKING! WHY YOU'RE WORKING. I HATE THAT LOOK OF YOURS, LOOK SO TIRED (how could i not be when after a whole day of incident have to deal with your ranting?)........."

all the strength left in me, was injected into, "I ALSO WISH I COULD NOT WORK AND LAZE AROUND LIKE SOME FILTH RICH MISSUS." and that gained me silence, he walked away, defeated?

i don't wish that i'm trust fund baby. i never grumble about having to work and support myself, and i think it's only right that i save up now to put myself though university education.

so please
stop Stop STOP STOP STOP

..thinking i'm earning to splurge, to pay.

you jolly well know how much i earn per month, when i hand over the paycheck to be banked in. and i try to give 1/3 of it to household, but sometimes i could only manage 1/4 or not at all, like this month when i've to replace my stolen phone. the rest of it, i spend it without GUILT. i've tried my best to manage my own finance. tried my best to do my sum and await patiently till i can afford my school fees plus living expenses.

there are friends who care about me, who felt indignant for me, who thought that you should be thankful for a sensible and labourious child. no. in your eyes, i fall short. i'm not that independent and responsible girl that others know. i don't do housechores enough, i'm untidy, careless and absent-minded. i don't deny my flaws. just that...

sometimes, maybe just one day, you'll look beyond the flaws, and feel proud of me too. maybe, you'll know i'm not that happy-go-lucky, not the ultimate optimist girl, even if i build up a brave front pasted with a smile.. just listen AND support me for once? if i don't have your understanding, at least don't twist my meanings and comprehend it on your own terms.

not only your son will get depressed.







i do too, at times. and you don't see.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

daddy's (selfish) girl

“现在的年轻人都很自私。” 老豆似乎是在 ^借题发挥。
他对"年轻"所定下的范围应该指的是X世代和Y世代。
所以我也被他的竿子打伤了。

>_< *无奈的叹气
“上一代的人看下一代,总是觉得不这么好。”
我任性地答道。“不是说你们不好,你们是比我们聪明,
比我们厉害,能干;只是说你们太自我了。”他说。
 -可是有什么用呢?你们都是为了自己。

“可是有什么用呢?你们都是为了自己。”
BINGO!一字不漏,他的台词我也会写嘛。

我不否认是为了自己,人不为己天诛地灭。
在不设年龄的前提下,每个人都有私心。
但,二战前后出生的大人多数都不看好子孙这一代。

说难听点,他们觉得我这一代人——
[私心>良心,良心≥零]

而他们上一代人当然相反的就是——
[良心私心

对两代公民的道德落差所下的定论——
[XY私心>BB私心≯XY良心]

(不知道其他发达国家家长的思维方程式是否和令尊一样)

我却觉得老豆有的是甘榜精神而不是社会主义吧。
抛开经济、政治的那一块,单单从道德与社会的立场来看,
老爸真的是守望相助、热心公益、能舍己为人的代表。
而我能办到吗?我真的不知道,或许可能但总觉得自己
没那么伟大(和刻苦耐劳)。可,我也不是见死不救的人。
话虽如此,我的同辈确有很多自扫门前雪,莫管他人瓦上霜。

老豆的阿信精神、甘榜精神,我是学不来的。
像爸说的,老李(先生)的大计是创造一个独立自主,
孕育优秀人才的国家。果真,我们独立、经济富裕、
培育杰出的人才,但...社群主意的理想似乎没有
被传承下去。老豆说,他没眼看下下一代,也看不到。

我心想,我如果是我这一代的代表,真的有令你这么失望吗?
*在好好反省中...

说真的,老爸,你是个好人,但未必是个好家长。
而在你眼里,我这个女儿也不是孝顺女。我承认我不算是。
我也认同我是崇向个人主义,不过重点是,个人主义并非利己主义。

我会自私,可是我也爱你。

不要怀疑,我用自己(自私?)的方式爱你胜过爱自己。







父亲节快乐。