Thursday, October 2, 2008

心情写照

Lily: I'm ok. Obviously insane, but otherwise ok.

Ami: You're obviously sane, but maybe not entirely ok.

-ten thousand lovers
Edeet Ravel

Sunday, September 21, 2008

lost.

"you're not what I thought you're."

whoa. Surprise. *gasps -.-

as our date dwindles greatly in number, (i'm still thankful for its quality, especially
the one recently) we're simply too caught up with our own daily circles of people and routine.

falling short from expectation, i'm not as strong as what you made out of me. not as level-headed, not as intelligent, not as stable, not as XX (insert the age of my mentality which you've calculated, so inaccurately), but you told me you still believe i'm the most clever sensible and rational girl friend you've as compared to peers our age.

i can't believe you being so delusional.

sod it.

your disappointment does not bother me, and that's exactly what bugs me a lot. my nonchalance. your disappointment, 'your' being a collective noun, is not just zong's voice alone. too many "you've not been.. quite yourself", "i don't recognise... you" and whatnot merely became belated concerns being played incessantly on repeat mode.

maybe, right from the start, you've judged me myopically. maybe, the image of that girl who refuses to being reliant, auto-transferred (BIF, damn marketing! -_-#) onto the other stages of her life, causing the impression of ever steely strong. maybe, you're right, no matter what, duckling will be alright.

or maybe, it's high time i get help; time for me to surrender the brave front i've been putting up. i'm none the wiser after.. us. i'm lost.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

纸巾

夜开始深了。
四周有剩下对面军营的练枪声。
原本宿舍外吵得很,还有很多住宿生在嬉闹,
现在连最后一批串门子的都回自己的窝去了。

小腿非常卖力地跑着。
幸好,我赶上了199号巴士,没白费力。
不然今晚就真的要打地铺了,可..
那小瓜的房间空空如野。
(哪像Y小呢子的,宿舍=家,什么都有。)
所以搞不好,我还得和小瓜同挤一张床。
(加上,如果又在外过夜(这周第三次?)
还得听老妈子的交响乐。-_-#)

打卡后,我在后座那坐了下来,
仍然喘着粗气,而且汗如雨下。
终于能把肩上很沉的包包放下,
和另一只手抱着的排球也放下,
真是松了一口气。(能想象吗?
我刚才就是拎着这些累赘追车哦!)

哎呀!
那该死的球有椅子不好好坐,到处滚。
手机钱包和包包都一手抓,然后忙着追球!
一副狼狈相。无奈~
(配上周围的窃笑声当背景音乐)

唉。终于安顿下来了。(X_x)
这边小丑‘杂耍’的娱性节目已落幕;
对面那排乘客的目光也应该散场了,
但是还有一个男生盯着我。

他对我微微一笑。我只直瞪回他。
。。看什么看嘛,我已经觉得很糗。
他有一点不好意思,然后低下头翻他的包包,
像在找什么似的。
接着,他从包包里拿出一大包纸巾,
仰向前,把纸巾递了给我。

轮到我不好意思了,
为自己的笨手笨脚觉得丢脸,
为先前对着陌生人黑脸而歹势。
我尴尬地向他连声道谢。
虽然觉得自己很白痴,
但心里还是暖暖的。=)

---

虽然是n年前,但是我还记得
她哭泣的样子,那心碎的神情..

在一排人来人往的商店前,
是一个巴士站。虽不是放工放学时间,
车站还是挤满了人,好多学生,吵死了。

我和贝聊了什么我也记不住了。
(都说是n年前咯)但四处张望的我,
一双眼就扫来扫去,最后停在她身上。
瘦削的她看起来也不过十四五岁。
身穿典型某XX女校的蓝白校服,
(但裙子没一般流行的一样短)
头上扎着马尾,鼻上夹着一副眼镜,
看起她是学校里乖乖牌的那一型。

她背着书包,手里紧握住手机,
紧得手指关节都发白了。
眼泪源源不绝地流着,
鼻涕也快跑出来凑热闹,
她不顾形象的抽泣着,
也没低下头避开众人的目光。
这种哭法完全不符合这类型的乖宝宝。

她脸上那痛不欲生的表情,真的难忘。
其他等车的人们都注意到她,顿时,
空气中布满了大家的不知所措。
她是越哭越厉害,泪水没断过,
鼻涕也滑到了嘴角,喉咙哽住的气
从鼻腔发出声来。

“怎么哭得这么凄惨?”贝低声叹道。
“那你去安慰她好了。”我不假思索回道。
贝不知道我是在调侃他还是认真的。
可爱的贝疑惑地瞪大双眼,等我给他提示。
“有纸巾吗?”提示来了。
他摇摇头。“那..还不去买!”给明示算了。

贝走进在那一排商店里的7-11,
而我呆在原地,继续望着女孩。
心里有一种难以解释的激动。

“给。纸巾。”贝回到我身边。
真是败给他了。虽说我的指示都很明显,
但贝有时候真让我哭笑不得。公布谜底-
“给那个女生!”我小声的凶他。
“我..还以为你要用到嘛。”他喃喃自语。
(-__-) 我就要疯了~

贝很不自在(加不甘愿)地走向前去。
他没先搭讪几句,根本没开口,
把纸巾送了就走开。
女生哭到有点慌神,还搞不清楚状况。
一会儿后,她才开始用纸巾,
拭去脸上黏糊糊的一切。
然后她用感激的眼神目送我们上车。
我..只能对她微微一笑。

---

又是在等巴士的时候发生的事。
大热天,大伙都躲进巴士站成荫。
我身旁就站了一位标致的印族女生。
我看她汗流浃背,也怪狼狈的。
就向同行的同学借纸巾,然后给了那女生。

我是没有常带纸巾出门的习惯。
但是,却常常遇到想给人纸巾的状况。
同情、热心也好,多事、鸡婆也罢。
就这样关于纸巾的日行一善,我作了两次。

---

其实,在陌生人在面前当小叮当,
(伸出援(圆)手,好冷吧?:p)并不难。
有人东西掉了,帮忙捡一捡。
有人迷路了,就好心引一引路。
有人跌了一跤,快快把他搀扶起。
有人流泪流汗,就递上纸巾吧!

A kind deed deserves another. :)

后记:其实帮了别人,我是觉得没怎么样。
但我被帮助时,就真正体会到人与人的暖意。

Saturday, August 30, 2008

today is forever?

complete this sentence, will you?

if everything that ever happened to me is just my imagination, ______________________________.

mine:

......, then why does it feel so real and raw?

---

i remembered being totally captivated by "abre los ojos" (open your eyes) a Spanish film when i watched it last year. not exactly a Sci-Fi chick (hm, i ought to use duckling) as i channel-hopped, i didn't know a boring night at home would turn out engaging.

[this post supposed to be a quick one as i simply.. wanted to organize some thoughts, put them into words before they escaped me again. yet, in the end I spent hour after hour reading on its movie reviews and other subjects linked like Vanilla Sky, Lucid Dream, Tesis, Alejandro Amenábar, Ubik, Cryonics, just to name a few.]

Cryonics-
derived from the Greek word κρύος (kryos), meaning cold. is the low-temperature preservation of humans and other animals that can no longer be sustained by contemporary medicine until resuscitation may be possible in the future. Human cryopreservation is not currently reversible. In the United States, cryonics can only be legally performed on humans after pronounced legally dead. The rationale for cryonics is that the process may be reversible in the future if performed soon enough, and that cryopreserved people are not dead by the modern information-theoretic definition of death.
-quoted from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

what a tempting idea to live on and on.. till eons later. to be an immortal, (be it aging or not) life will no longer be a cycle. it will become like the thread of infinite number (not a 'real' number) that goes on without an end. not taking into consideration of the resources to support the never-ending lifeforms (I'm not even sure could I still view them as humans, or as.. the undead? LOL! living on forever may be a nightmare), if it's highly exclusive, not everyone can afford this technology, who gives who the right to be the selected ones? by social class? by caste? it's almost like playing God, won't it be so?

the value of human life?
would no longer be like what the MasterCard ad says- Priceless.

Friday, August 22, 2008

达尔文

刚刚这首歌正在播放着,

我的青春 也不是没伤痕
是明白爱是信仰的延伸
甚么特征 人缘还是眼神
也不会预知爱不爱的可能
 
保持单身 忍不住又沉沦
兜着圈子来去有时苦等
人的一生 感情是旋转门
转到了最后真心的就不分

有过竞争 有过牺牲
被爱筛选过程
学会认真 学会忠诚
适者才能生存
懂得永恒 得要我们
进化成更好的人

我的青春 有时还蛮单纯
相信幸福取决于爱得深
读进化论 我赞成达尔文
没实力的就有淘汰的可能
 
我的替身 已换过多少轮
记忆在旧情人心中变冷
我的一生 有几道旋转门
转到了最后只剩你我没分

希望如此

Monday, August 18, 2008

3点。

又是凌晨3点。
不知怎么了,最近的3点都很特别。

他从房里抱着烫衣板走出来,
然后把熨斗摆在板上。

“你在干吗?”

手里拿着他的校服,回道:
“妈忘了烫。她总是记得一样,忘了令一样。”

对啊。总记得你的,而忘了我。

“那。你现在要自个儿烫?”

“不。把东西都摆出来,
明早她看到了,我要看她是否会烫。”

白痴。明早,她忙着煮水,忙着叫你起身。
她哪有闲情到客厅看?

“等我把隐形眼镜取下,我给你烫。”

他没拒绝。脸上也没有微笑,没有什么表情。
可,我知道他感到一些诧异。
因为,几分钟前,为了鸡毛蒜皮的事,
我对他发了脾气 。

我戴上了眼镜;把手也洗干净了。
开始做这蛮久没做的活儿。
虽不熟练,但没两下功夫,也就把它搞定。

“烫得不这么样,但不邹就行了吧?”

“当然烫过,就不邹。” 

我无语。

我倒在沙发上,继续看着面前的四方盒子。
对播映着的节目,一点兴趣都没有,但
无奈,这时候我也懒得再动。

“忘了说谢谢。” 他的谢谢,我懂。

哈。不要紧。

为了功课,为了学业,为了好成绩,
他每晚熬夜。

我。夜夜失眠,也无所事事。 

就要十八岁的他,怎么和我是两个世界的人啊?